Patty Podmore

STURGIS PODMORE

• Don't bloody get it.
  
• Free will is over-rated anyhow.
  
  • If they really want to see a lack of free will, they should go to the USSR.
    
  • Bloody commies.
    
  • Or, you know, England under the Death Eaters.
  
  
• We're all in this for the same reason - to take back this country and get rid of the Death Eaters.
  
  • People seem to be forgetting that
  
  
• Training and running will only save their lives.
  
• Yours too. You'd better keep up tomorrow.

HOGWARTS INHABITANTS

• 7am runs every morning.
  
• Alastor and I have been discussing this and then Pepper reminded me. We need to keep in shape. Good shape. Great shape.
  
• If you're not Alastor or Rufus or injured, you're not getting out of this.
  
• I will drag you if I have to.
  
• You too, Sturgis.

[Jeremiah Smith]

You never answered my question about how much of what you wrote do they feed you and how much do you believe?

[Alastor]

• I'm trying to work with Alice's media contact Jeremiah Smith.
  
• Yes, the one we thought might have been a Death Eater and Marlene confirmed he was just a prick.
  
• Well, he really is a prick. Really.
  
• Can you do me a little favour? Can you write him a quick ward telling him I'm actually a vigilante and not part of a giant Ministry conspiracy out to get him?

Twenty-five dead patients and staff members? I'd sure like to see a list of the victims before I believe that one. I'm pretty sure that's false. The newspaper article about the rescue (since that's what it really was, a rescue of prisoners, not revenge - we wouldn't hurt innocent people for revenge) seemed to forget to mention the part where Death Eaters came in and shot off some Killing Curses themselves. If there were any deaths, they're certainly not our fault.

JEREMIAH SMITH

Mr. Smith,

I know you're aware that Alice Longbottom is dead since you wrote that article about it. My name is Petra Podmore (you can call me Patty) and I'm a colleague of hers and she told me to tell you that she's dead and that she sent me. She also called you a prick, but I guess I'll be the judge of that.

In case you're wondering if this is a trick or not (and you'd be smart to think that - if you didn't you should start thinking that everything is a trick), I think it's pretty clear that I'm a vigilante if you read the same newspaper you're writing for. At least, I'm assuming it was written up in the Herald since until recently I only read the Prophet and the Tinworth Times, but that's neither here nor there. But I'm pretty high on the DMLE's shit list right now after being discovered as a spy and gave Demetrius Mulciber a real good beating nevermind he gave me one too.

I'm not sure what all you and Alice had been talking about, but she wanted one of us me to get in contact with you. Pleased to make your acquaintance. I have got a question or two for you - how much of what you wrote did they feed you and how much do you believe?

ORDER OF THE PHOENIX

• I've contacted Jeremiah Smith like Alice suggested.
  
• Just so we don't all do it.
  
• She said he was a prick, so he could be the type to get mad if we all tried it.

That Prophet article was just sick.

I'd really love to spend the time refuting that whole article but my hand would start cramping after the first hour and I just don't have the patience for that either. I will say there are a whole lot of liberties taken there and that it's more full of shit than that beastly roommate I had at Durmstrang. It's sick, some of the things written there and how these tragedies are being warped to keep you people slaves, both physically and mentally.

Funny how my parents sent me here to England to live with my auntie and uncle after I got too involved in the "political unrest" in Czechoslovakia. Or that's what they called it, I called it fighting the damn Reds. Just can't keep me from standing up for my country and the people. You should try it too.

One last thought - we used to say "se Sovětským svazem padla bída na zem!" It's the same with the Death Eaters. Under them, only misery will fall upon this land.

[Aubrey]

• I'm a vigilante.
  
  • Surprise?
    
  • I could never be all right with Death Eaters running the country.
    
  • They're worse than commies.
  
  
• Mulciber almost killed me today.
  
  • I got him pretty good though.
    
  • Had to break out of his Imperius to get away.
  
  
• I was the one who stunned you at the Founda

[Sturgis]

• Do you think they'll put this on the radio?
  
  • About us, I mean.
    
  • I'm sure all the Death Eaters know by now.
  
  
• I'm worried about your family.
  
  • I know your dad's wards are good but I think we should get them all to Hogwarts anyway.
    
  • After all, I got Mulciber pretty good and they sent a Lestrange after you.

Demetrius, look, I'm still alive. Your Imperius Curse needs work - I think the Keeper for the Humenné Heartbreakers held a better one on me the time he got piss drunk and Imperiused me to dance the Dubotanets that I had learned from maybe the only non-crazy ex-girlfriend of my brother Josef's who was from the Ukraine, and I wouldn't dance it because I was wearing blue and also because I didn't want to dance it, which brings back all sorts of unfortunate memories because Josef decided to sock him a few times and he was really a nice bloke while sober - he always held open doors for women and told real funny jokes.

I hope you got some of Umbitch's cake before our little incident. Mrs. Dobbs makes fantastic cake. If you missed it, maybe there will still be some whenever you make it back into the office, unless Thickness ate it all, which is a real possibility. Also there are a few photos on my desk - if it's not too big of a hassle, would you mind owling them to me? Thanks bunches!

[Order]

Hi everybody. I'm awake, but I don't think I'll be able to go help burn down the Greengrass's tonight. Sorry.

I got Mulciber pretty good though. Thank Merlin for these portkeys is all I have to say. And thanks to you too, Alastor and Hestia, for being so quick.

[Sturgis, Alastor, Longbottoms]

It wasn't anything I did. Mulciber said it wasn't anyone in the Ministry who informed on us.

I don't know who it could have been.

Sturgis are you okay?

[Handwriting slightly messy]

[DMLE minus Umbridge]

• Dolores' birthday is coming up on Monday
  
  • I was thinking we should get her a cake and a card or something
    
  • Dobbs said his wife bakes a mean cake so that's covered.
    
  • A real good thing too because I think you all know what my baking skills are like - I'd probably poison everyone inadvertently
  
  
• If anyone wants to put in a galleon or two I was going to stop by a shop in Tinworth on my way home
  
  • It sells little sweaters and things for animals
    
  • I thought a gift certificate would be a good idea.

• Mr. Mulciber, if you have a second could I run a few things by you?

[Angelica]

• I really hate the idea of getting her more things for her cats, but I don't even know what else to do.
  
• I really don't want to waste my time trying to think of something.
  
• And no one else around here is going to be any help, given most of them are men.

[Aubrey]

• How are you holding up?
  
  • Elle and Kingsley and Pepper all seemed pretty excited about something yesterday.
  
  
• Work's a bore without you around to take the piss out of Umbridge with.
  
  • Dobbs' wife is making her a cat-shaped cake for her birthday. I'll see if I can get a picture of the look on her face.

[Alastor]

• Greengrass has a baby.
  
• In case you didn't know.

[Order]

• I need a ward
  
• Because of the journal tagging and all.

[Frank, Alice and Alastor]

• I've been talking to Aubrey.
  
  • Behind wards.
    
  • And he's probably my closest friend in the DMLE for some time now.
    
  • And vice-versa.
    
  • So he tells me a lot.
  
  
• But he tells me he's just taking orders from Albion now.
  
  • "playing the game" are his exact words.
    
  • Which sounds bad but from him I don't think it is.
    
  • It sounds like he's starting to think of himself as one of you and not being forced to do stuff by you.
  
  
• I think he'll be all right with you though.
  
  • I mean, if you were worried at all about him betraying you, he won't.
    
  • I'm about certain.

[Alice and Frank]

• What's going to happen to Aubrey?

[Sturgis]

• So I'm real glad I that I didn't tell Albion about my true loyalties.

[Private]

• Sometimes I wonder if I'm in the wrong camp now that we're all technically vigilantes. Rufus' hostage situation was a pretty good plan, I'd say. I don't seem to get these 'moral objections' that the rest of the Order often has - if we're going to win, we need to fight. That's all there is to it.

( Private to Gawain Robards )

[Order]

• I've been thinking about what Remus said he heard the listening devices.
  
  • I'm going to be vague here though because of the journal tagging, so you know.
  
  
• But I think we could make this work for us. I have a few possible scenarios in my head.
  
• First, we do nothing.
  
  • Possibility one - they get away.
    
  • Possibility two - someone catches on, they send me and some others to go catch them.
    
  • I really can't see them getting away if people have already threatened them.
    
  • Which means I'm going to be sent after them.
    
  • And I'm not complaining here but these stupid people just make me want to bang my head up against the wall repeatedly.
    
  • They're probably not even paying me overtime.
  
  
• Second, we do something.
  
  • I'm not positive what yet.
    
  • Possibility one - we could turn them in. Cause dissent within their ranks.
    
  • Possibility two - I know we're not Rufus' group, but we could intercept them and take them hostage. Get into their manor, which could have any sort of valuable information.
    
  • Possibility three - Help them escape, thus they'd owe us a favour. And alienate them more from the rest, since they accepted a favour from us.
    
  • Any more ideas?

( Private to Sturgis Podmore )

[Department of Magical Law Enforcement]

SIR. URGENT

A body just flew out of the window of the Foundation Centre

[Magical Law Enforcement Squad - former Aurors and Hitwizards only]

• How many more minutes until this shift is over?
  
  • What's 3^1/4 times 60?
    
  • I'm too tired to do mental math
  
  
• And don't repeat this, but am I the only one who feels like we're wasting our time here?
  
  • It's not that I don't think we can be useful, but we know next to nothing about this situation
    
  • And we're simply told just to wait until a "solution has been determined."

[Mr. Demetrius Mulciber - viewable by Aubrey]

Sir,

• Have we received any more information on the hostage situation we are currently stationed at yet?
  
• Have we yet confirmed the identities of the hostages?
  
  • Standard protocol in the past has been to inform the families via form letter - these can be drafted up at a moment's notice if you wish.
  
  
• There has been no change in status on our end since we have last reported.

[Sturgis]

• My shift ends in about three hours.
  
• I know it's the middle of the night and you might be sleeping, but I fully expect you to have food waiting for me and to rub my feet.

DEPARTMENT OF MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT

• There are scones in the breakroom.
  
  • With jam and creme.
    
  • Don't worry, I didn't make them, my husband did.
    
  • So there's no worry about what happened last time.

BERTRAM AUBREY

• I think I heard her mewing in the loo.
  
  • #16. Cat noises from the loo.
    
  • I'd say that's worth two shots because that was just   the most disturbing thing I've ever heard in my life
  
  
• I want to HEX MY EARS OFF now

ORDER

• Did anyone else get an invitation to the opening of the Gibbon Gallery of Fine Art and Wizarding Culture?
  
  • They're opening a month from now, though this is the first I've heard of it.
    
  • And guess whose name is right there one it? You guessed it - the Foundation for the Promotion of Wizarding Society and Communism.
    
  • Bet all our best mates will be there.
    
  • Let's wreck it for them.

I really sometimes wish that I could talk more about what goes on in the office (or, not in the office to be more specific) because some of the people that I meet on a daily basis are just, well, special. It's always the little cases that are the most amusing, the people who get mugged (I love you Sturgis!) or the ones who complain that their neighbours have a Devil's Snare growing into their garden when it's actually a lilac bush or the ones who want us to get rid of the ghoul in their attic and claim that it steals their Kneazle's droppings. The stories are great, but the people are even better.

We all get back to the office with grins on our faces, not because we're laughing at anyone but because we've all just been reminded how unique and wonderful the wizarding world is.

( Application for Patty Podmore )